Remembering 9/11/01

Do you remember where you were? Do you remember how you felt on the morning of 9/11/01? I can tell you exactly where I was. I can tell you how I sat and watched in disbelief and shock as it all unfolded on TV. To say that it was hard to fathom doesn't even come close to how I felt. I could go into all of the details of that morning, but I know that you all have your own stories and those are as memorable to you as mine is to me.

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One thing I will mention about that morning is that it was the very first day of a new Beth Moore Bible study that was being held at my house. The.First.Day. Want to guess which one?! Ok, I'll tell you...the study was "Jesus the One and Only"!! How totally amazing was it that at that horrible moment in time for our country God had already ordained that me and about 5 other women would be meeting together that morning and begin our intimate study of Jesus Christ! I just now went and found my workbook for that study and sure enough, at the top of the introductory session I have the date 9/11/01. (I always d

ate the video sections for some reason) I tried to glance over that page to see if there was any profound piece of wisdom that could apply to that morning. Take it for what it's worth, but that first video session was about God putting his people in a state of "fasting", however it wasn't a fast from food, but a fast from hearing God!! I think that on the morning of 9/11/01, God wasn't putting us on a fast from hearing Him, rather He was screaming trying to get the attention of His people to turn back to Him.Which a lot did.For a while. I don't want to get into any philosophical debates on what God or doesnt allow. It doesn't matter. What matters is that in any and all situations, good or bad, HE is there and He will watch over us through it all. So, no I don't think that it was coincidence that our study of the life of Jesus started on 9/11/01. I think it was perfectly ordained :)

Ok, so now to the not-so-depressing part of my post today. I.Love.NYC. period. There is just something about it that absolutely has captured part of my heart! My first trip was in 2004 when I went w/my sister-in-law, Kayrene. I was excited to go but had no idea that it was the beginning of a life-long love of NYC! I'm pretty sure that the moment I set my foot on the pavement in Times Square a shaft of light shone down and time stood still for a second. I felt like I was "home"...weird, I know.

So that's how it happened. One trip.4 days.Forever in my heart. (not in a Christ sort of "in my heart" way) Our family of four was able to go back in 2007 to take Alix for her 13th birthday and I'm pretty sure the same thing happened to her because she is about obsessed w/it as I am!...well, maybe not quite as much, but still... :)

I'm including a few of my fav pics from both trips. I have a bunch and will show them to anyone who wants to see them and hear me tell about each and every little detail with so much giddiness in my voice that you wonder if I had too much coffee to drink!

So my question to myself is this: why am I not like this with my relationship w/God? He is sooo much greater than a city or a feeling. He is God. He is Creator.He is...I AM. Yet I don't know if I talk about Him and how HE changed my life like I do NYC. And have I passed my love and excitement for Christ, and Heaven, and eternity on to my daughters? It's heartbreaking if I haven't because THAT is what matters. And the good thing is that God is preparing a mansion for me in Heaven, since I am a child of His, that will be far more beautiful than a brownstone in Manhattan. I think I'll wait for that mansion! (however, if anyone has a brownstone they'd let me buy..I mean, stay in...I won't turn it down!!)

What is your NYC? What gets you giddy and excited to share to anyone who will listen?

Whew!

July 31, 2009

Whew! Where has this summer gone?! My last blog post said that I hadn't forgotten about my blog and I haven't...I just haven't had time to post anything! It's been a fun summer and the thought of school starting in a few weeks is unbelievable! I'll try to highlight a couple of things, that way I will still have some other things to blog about!!

PINE COVE 2009

This was our second consecutive summer at Pine Cove, The Bluffs, and we had a great time as usual! It was our fourth time to go but we took a few years off before returning again last summer. The girls met up immediately w/friends from last year and found out who their counselors for the week would be. There is such a bond that forms between the counselors and students that is incredible! And the fact that these young college students love and serve God w/their whole heart and life is amazing. We LOVE our Pine Cove counselors each and every time we go! Overall it was a good week for us all. The theme was "Chasing What Matters"...a remarkable theme and one that hit home w/me...all of us, I think. What do we really chase after? Will it matter in eternity? We were challenged to take the thought home with us and make it part of everything we do and say...Chase What Matters.

Right after Pine Cove, Mike and I went back to Evansville, IN for our 25th high school reunion. That will be a whole other blog in itself ;-)

A tough decision was made by Alix a couple of nights ago. She has decided not to pursue her volleyball career anymore. After talking w/me and Mike, many tears and a lot of prayer, she felt that there were other things more related to what she wants to do after high school, that would be better for her to use her time doing. She loves volleyball, but clubs, councils, etc, would give her more flexibility to do things that will ultimately look good on a college application in fashion design. We're proud of her for the prayer and thought she put into the decision and know it wasn't easy for her, but she will walk confidently forward in that choice and thrive in the things that she loves to do :)

Shelby is already back in color guard practice, tryouts, etc and it's giving her a good workout!! She should find out tomorrow if she made the sabre line or the rifle line, either of which is a good thing. It's hard to believe that this is her senior year of high school. Where have the last 12 years gone?! I am praying that this year is memorable in a positive way and that she will see God's hand at work in her decisions, activities, friends, etc. Wow...I remember being a senior like it was yesterday and it's fun, scary, exciting, scary, freeing and scary all rolled into one! Say a prayer for her when you think about it that God would saturate her life and her heart and her mind.

That's all I'll do for now. It's getting late, I'm tired and I need to keep some info for another post soon!

Hope you are all doing well!! Let me know how things are going in your neck of the woods!!

m

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY BLOG...

I just have had other things taking the time that I would normally use for my blog! We've gone on some college road trips to look at campuses w/Shelby.  That's been very interesting and eye opening!  Things (costs) have sure changed since we were in college!  

This week I took Alix to a spine specialist to have him check out why she continues to have her back pain.  As expected, it's hard to pinpoint the root cause of most back issues (really?I never would have known that!) but his thoughts are that it could be something called "spondylolysis"...you can google it for a good explanation. Long story short, 6-8 weeks or more of PT 2x/wk and rest it through the summer.  She wants to be in top shape for high school volleyball that will start in July so keep her in your prayers that she will rest it enough to have a great year in volleyball!

Mike has run in another 10k at the Fort Worth Zoo since the last time I blogged. 

We went to IGNITE last weekend as a family. It was an outdoor "festival" w/Christian music artists and speakers. However, it poured down rain and even had some tough thunderstorms throughout the day so the performances were choppy and some didn't even get to perform!  We were able to see Flyleaf (the girls LOVED them and got to meet the girl singer back stage), Kirk Cameron (Fireproof), David Crowder Band, Francis Chan (Crazy Love)...Chris Tomlin played at the end, but we left due to rain and lightening.  We also got to hear a small talk from Zach Hunter (Loose Change to Loose Chains).  All in all it was a fun day, despite the rain and mandatory evacuations!

There are numerous other activities going on, but if I were to list them all out, you'd get bored rather quickly! Suffice it to say that we keep very busy on a continual basis, as do all of you, I'm sure!!

I have some other things on my mind to "blog" about and will do it again soon.  Once again it's having to do w/things I wrestle with in my mind and just have to get them out and see if anyone can guide me through my insanity!!

Better close for now.  I have a lunch date w/my man in a little while :)

Later dudes!

m

WAS IT A HOLLOW OR SOLID CHOCOLATE BUNNY THAT DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME?

I have to admit that I'm struggling this year with how to remind our girls of the huge significance that the Easter holiday is in the life of a Christ follower.  Being teenagers surrounded by the bunnies and chocolate (and my contribution to the matter!), I'm not quite sure they grasp the incredible love story that unfolded that Good Friday and Easter morning.  Yes, they know the story, and yes they've seen clips of The Passion, but how do you help it be real in their lives?  I fear they expect the Easter basket full of candy and even an Easter gift but why?  What is the significance in all of that?  Yes, we definitely have included gifts in their baskets each year but traditionally, they are of christian influence.  A devotion book, a new Bible...things along those lines.  But we can only buy them so many Bibles and devotion books seem to get lost in the dark corners of their bedrooms and all that's left is all of the chocolate and candy and eggs.  I'm not opposed to the candy...I actually like the candy (until I can't button my jeans!) but that's what I shop the most for and the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Easter baskets.  I'm embarrassed and tend to feel a little like Peter denying Christ, all for the sake of a bunny and chocolate. 

I had Mike get our Easter "decorations" down from the a

ttic over the weekend. Sadly, all that's in there are plastic eggs, baskets and some bunny decorations.  I think I'll get rid of all the decorations because the one thing in there that matters the most is a wooden cross that Shelby made years ago with her own tool kit :)  She couldn't have been very old..under 10 for sure.  But she wanted to do something for Easter so she got two pieces of wood, 2 nails and a crayon and

made this cross.  She wrote on it "he is not here for he is rissun". 

 She had a desire to do that...she wanted to make something of significance in remembrance of Christ. I can't begin to tell you how much that cross means to me, let alone how much the cross means to me.  Unfortunately I feel that over the years that they've grown I have taken for granted that "the church" will remind them of the significance of Easter, as if I too have outgrown talking about it with them.  So as I type this, it's becoming clear what needs to be done.  Whether they think it's silly or ridiculous, I truly think we need to sit down and discuss the Easter story.  Not a big long dissertation, but what it means to each of them, to me & Mike, and how important this event is in the life of a christian.  I can't go another Easter season assuming that they remember Christ's dying and resurrection on their own.  How will it ever become meaningful in their life if it's not spoken of meaningfully in my own life?

The Bible study that I'm currently going through has me thinking of all sorts of things and I'm trying to go through it all w/o making it a facebook status or a blog entry because I could easily do that! But this is something for me to deal with and sort through and I guess this Easter issue is one thing that needs handled a little differently.  By the way, the study I'm doing is called "One Month to Live" by Kerry & Chris Shook.  How would I live my life differently if I knew there was only month left to live?  How do I know that I don't have but one month to live?  And what do I want to truly make sure that my girls and my husband know and remember about me?  Heavy stuff, but it's causing a lot of discussion w/God and a lot of looking at myself so hopefully you will be able to see that I'm trying to change some things and make how I live my life actually worth the dash that is between my birth and death day...

I'm trying out a new app. Let's see if it works!

REMEDY FOR THIS HEART TOUR

Hey everyone!  I wanted to post a little blog about a very important tour getting ready to start tomorrow, Tuesday.  The pastors of our church, Trevor DeVage & Jeremy Peterson, are leaving on a 5 city tour spanning about a week.  You can read about it here and I ask that you do read it: http://www.remedy4thisheart.com/

They have such a heart for homeless people that it has turned into a full blown ministry for them.  In Trevor's message yesterday morning he shared a story of an event that occurred last week.  He didn't share it to bring attention to himself by any means yet to show how by giving of yourself you show others how to give by following by example.  There is a joy that comes from going beyond yourself and giving to those who have absolutely nothing.  Trevor & Jeremy will be taking Kyle along w/them on this tour.  Kyle is a homeless man whom Trevor & Jeremy have been ministering to and trying to help get off of the streets.  He is the reason and inspiration for this whole tour.  All proceeds of the tour are going to help Kyle start a new life off of the streets.  God has blessed the group and the tour has been completely covered by personal contributions, etc., so you know God is pleased that they are being His hands & feet and spreading God's love and truth.  

There's so much I could write about this and how it's bringing conviction into my life.  Not guilt, but conviction.  Do I have a heart or even a desire to give beyond myself or am I living selfishly in fear and ignorance?  I don't consider myself selfish, but I also don't step out of my comfort zone very often to reach out to those who may not know Christ.  Unless, of course, those that don't know him live w/in Trophy Club and have a home, 2 cars, 2 kids, a dog and are nice to me...otherwise, no, I don't reach out to love the ones that society deems as unlovable.  Ugh...why am I like that?  I truly think it's from fear and also from not even knowing how to reach out and love!  Some of you may have read my last post about my having walls around my life so you can see how this could be hard for me!  Ok, so it's not about me and that's not what this blog post is about...!

I hope that you will first of all, remember to pray for Trevor & Jeremy and their entourage as they travel over the next week, for their safety and for God's Word and message to be fresh and accepted to those who will be attending the shows.  Also pray for the safety and well-being of their families who will be here carrying on with family responsibilities that couldn't be taken on the road at this time.  I also ask that you please go and read about the story behind the tour.  I pray that it touches you as it has touched me and that we will seek God for direction on how to be His hands and feet and how to live beyond ourselves.

Blessings ya'll!!

m

P.S. If you twitter, you can follow them at http://twitter.com/forgottentour: or you can see them on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2255778088: or you can read Trevor's blog at http://freshairpoetry.com/: or lastly, you can read Jeremy's blog at: http://jeremypeterson.wordpress.com/

THIS IS A LONG POST, BUT I NEED FRIENDS...;-)

We had the privilege of watching along with all of America, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, a couple of weeks ago. The show was excellent, although I may be biased because our family and the Augustin family are friends. Amber & I are BFF's (wink, wink, Amber!) Amber took some incredible pics of Shelby a few summers ago and during that time she and I kind of struck up a friendship. Mike attended some men's meetings at our previous church, which enabled him to become friends with Peter. We were aware of Amber's amazing ministry and had seen pics of the precious babies that she had photographed through the years, but had no idea the depth of that ministry. I'll occasionally still hear from her asking for prayer for a family that she has just gone to see at the hospital It continues to move her (and me) to a point of grief and a sense of necessity to bathe the family in prayer...no matter the outcome. However, after watching the show last night it gave me a whole new appreciation for Amber's ministry & talent. She sacrifices her own personal family time to capture moments for other hurting families. Yet her family is then there for her when she comes home to share her load of heaviness with her. So many lives have been touched and I'm sure will continue to be touched since the airing of their story on EMHE.

One thing Amber said during the show that touched me to the core of my being in regards to taking pictures was this: "What would I want to remember about my baby? his toes, his feet, his shoulders-all of those things that you wish you could have seen more of but were so wrapped up in those precious moments to remember exactly what he looked like." Wow! Features we take for granted when we have "healthy" babies! Not that we really take them for granted but I don't think it's something we hold dear. I'm thankful for Amber, and others like her, who have the gift of taking these precious pictures because it is much more necessary than any of us realize.

After watching the show on Sunday, Monday my head and my heart was heavy and I wanted to hear what God was trying to say to me. The story really struck a chord with me and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I know that there is still a lot He has to show me, but so far, this is what I think I've heard and I wanted to share it with you all.

In my "previous life", before choosing to stay home with our girls after they were born, I was a nurse-an RN and I worked in Pediatric Intensive Care and also in a newborn nursery. Those days all hold special memories for me and I wouldn't trade one of them. However, there were some really, really rough times that I would be working when a child/baby did not make it. I can't begin to tell you how hard that is, not only to watch a child's life come to an end but to have to watch parents world come crumbling apart. There were several times I remember going into work at the ICU and hearing the wailing of parents who had just heard the news about their child. It was heart-breaking. As a nurse in the unit it was our responsibility to get the child "ready" for the parents to come in for one last time. We would remove all tubes and machines and clean them up, dress them in "real clothes" and put a stuffed animal or something with them to make them look at peace. Again, I can't begin to tell you the difficulty in doing that but also in the fact that after that was all done the parents would go home empty-handed. We nurses had to continue working, though. No time to grieve, no time to gather our thoughts and express our emotions, but get a new assignment and keep working. It may sound harsh to some, but when you are surrounded by sick kids, you've got to keep taking care of them. It didn't have often but it happened more than I care to remember, however, I DO remember. One incidence in particular that runs through my memory every once in a while is one in which I worked in the newborn nursery. Most deliveries are routine with minimal complications and then some babies are born requiring a little more care, yet others are born very sick and need immediate, critical care. However, there are a very few families who came to the hospital knowing that their child would be born with very little time to live if any time at all. Those were the hard ones. Those are the ones that people like Amber have the opportunity to go in and capture their precious moments with photographs. But one of my toughest memories is of a little "friend" that my nurse friends and I got to love and care for until it passed away simply because the family rejected it knowing it was going to die. We were mortified that anyone could be that way with their child, even though we all knew it would not live beyond an hour or so! But how could we pass judgement on parents who started grieving even before the birth of their child? We didn't know what all they'd dealt with getting them to this point of hurt. So after the delivery we took little one to a back room and took turns holding it and loving it so it would know that it was loved unconditionally during its brief time on earth. It's life ended quickly...maybe an hour at the most. But the hour that I was there w/my fellow nurses loving on that baby is one hour in my life that I will never forget. So to think that there are parents who have to go through this and choose to have it documented in photographs, humbles my heart to the point of awe and gratitude for them being unselfish in their own love and hurt to make a "big deal" out of a small life. (I chose to call little one "it" for confidentiality, not out of rudeness)

A lot of those memories have sort of led me to a place in which I place walls around my heart and life. I don't make friends easily. It hurts too much when they aren't in your life anymore. Being a nurse, I learned all too well how to stuff my emotions inside and keep on going, not taking time to grieve loss. So as I step back and observe the big picture of my life, I realize that I'm no different than those parents who chose not to get to know their baby and turned their backs on it before its life ever started. I don't open up to people because I know it's going to take a lot of emotion on my part and yes, it may not last long and I may lose their friendship as our paths in life change courses so I'm not going to even open my heart a little. How selfish of me and how stupid! I've missed out on so much over way too many years!

So after all of that I think I've realized that I need to be doing something to help. Something to help heal the hurt of those losses I walked through as a nurse, even though they've been years ago. That's one reason I decided to share this blog w/you. When Mike & I first moved to TX I miscarried our first baby. It was very, very hard and very lonely emotionally. The hospital where I worked and where I lost the baby had a "grief" program for parents who lost babies. While I worked there I was able to help a lot of women who were grieving over their own miscarriages and it helped me move past my grief because I was getting beyond myself. My prayer now is that I can find something like that to do again. I would love to help in an organization like Amber is a part of, even if it's just stuffing envelopes or holding equipment or getting coffee for someone in the middle of the night. I want to do something to make a difference and not for any glory or honor on my part but in honor and memory of the families of the kids that I helped care for in the intensive care; and all of those parents who lost babies and I was able to pray with them at the hospital or when I just sat in a room holding their hand to help make their loss even minutely tolerable.

So I'm asking that you join me in prayer to help me find what it is that God wants me to do and to be obedient to that calling. Pray for Amber and the Augustin family that their work and devotion will be rewarded in heaven-where it counts the most! And most of all pray for all of the families whose lives are forever changed because of a moment in time with their forever child.

Thanks for reading and for not giving up on being my friend even when I'm not friendly :)

m

SO PROUD!

Today, February 28, 2009, my wonderful husband ran his first 10k race and finished!  Not that I didn't think he would finish but I thought I would just say that he finished so there was no confusion (:  I am truly proud of him.  He has worked hard to get to this point and yet has a bigger goal he's striving to obtain-a 1/2 marathon!  Now, I personally don't see the fascination of running and running and running.  It doesn't make any sense to me at all, but then again, I've never been a runner.  Not sure why..probably the fact that I've never done it without losing my breath and my chest hurting w/in 1 minute of starting!  It's just not "my thing".  To be honest, I haven't figured out what "my thing" is in regards to exercise.  I don't like it at all, although I know I should be doing something besides nothing.  One day...

Mike and his good friend, Jeremy Peterson, were up and headed to Fort Worth at 6:30 this morning to be there for the start of the race at 7:30 a.m.  Why do they have to start the race so early?  I'd be a much better cheerleader if it was later in the morning!  Unfortunately I did NOT go this morning for the race.  I have been sick and in bed for the last 2 days so I didn't want to postpone my wellness by going out in the 30 degree windy weather that greeted the runners this morning.  I did want to go and will plan on going for the next one and definitely for his 1/2 marathon but he was very understanding this morning.  So since I wasn't there to get his picture crossing the finish line I got a pic of him in "uniform" with his bib number on...in our backyard :)

Mike just came in and told me that there were 18,000 people in downtown Fort Worth for the Cowtown Marathon!  He said it was crazy packed with people.  Hard to run with so many people and I'm sure very frustrating especially if you're behind slow people!  He didn't come home scraped up or bleeding so he must have maintained a good speed and an upright position despite the mass of people!

I'll keep you posted on any other running activities he participates in and for sure when he does his 1/2 marathon!  That will be quite exciting!!  

He's off to bed now...he looks exhausted.  And I have a feeling that tomorrow afternoon will produce yet another opportunity for him to catch up on the sleep he ran away from early this morning :)

YES, FREERANGE IS ONLY REFERRING TO CHICKENS AND TURKEYS...

After my post the other day about finding FreeRange blog reader/RSS feeder it all came crashing down on me.  I was sooo thrilled with the application and how well it worked and was integrated with my desktop.  That was until I tried to sync it the first time...no workie.  After reading the message boards (one of my ways of investigating various things "techie") it appears that FreeRAnge is no longer in business. :(  Very sad.

So, I've resorted back to Google Reader and am trying to make that work.  I think I've said before that I'm all about Google.  I am all things google-they're easy to understand and to work so anything I can use that has to do with Google, I'll do it!  After about 3 days of using Google Reader on my desktop and my phone, it seems to be working fairly well!

I'm sure you're asking either "what is a reader" or "why does she need a reader"?  I have several blogs that I like to keep up with. (I think I've mentioned that before)  It was too much for me to have each one bookmarked and then go to them all individually to see if they had new posts or not.  I wanted a centralized place that I could see all of them that I follow and could see if they had new posts or not.  That is what started this whole reader search!  Google Reader seems to do a very good job at keeping track of all of the blogs I follow and keeping them updated, so that was the number one thing I was looking for.

I also use it as my one-stop-source for catching up on news-local, national news, entertainment news, Nascar news, etc.  I'm not one to want to hop around to various bookmarked pages-I like "page-at-a-glance" things, therefore giving me the necessity of finding an RSS reader.

I guess none of it is really a necessity enough that it eats up so much of my time.  It makes me feel like I know what I'm doing and that the things I consider important are easily attainable in my day no matter if I'm home or in the car w/my phone!

Stay-at-home techie mom?

As I spent most of the day today in front of my computer I started wondering what it is that I"m doing.  I keep really busy at whatever it is I'm doing but is it "productive"?  Probably not.  Am I getting done what I stay home to get done? Probably not but then again, yes, some of it.  Could I be doing more to accomplish  my domestic diva responsibilities?  Sure...but maybe this computer time is my "calling", my gift so-to-speak; to find easy ways for girls like me to become tech-savvy in a highly, technologically- advanced society where our kids know how to use multiple devices all at once to communicate, study and entertain themselves for hours!  Yes, this could be my niche.  I'm learning soooo much in my daily internet searches and discoveries.  Things to help make my life "easier", to keep order and neatness in my routine, and all in a way that integrates my home computer with my new BFF, my Blackberry Curve.

I think this all started when I got my Blackberry back in October, November-whenever it was that I got it.  I had this new gadget that could do almost anything and I wanted to figure out how to work it and use it to it's fullest capabilities.  And since I'm not a gamer, except for Guitar Hero and wii Fit, I didn't want to load a bunch of games on that I would never play.  I wanted to have my desktop/laptop all on my mobile device,  so the searching began and it's been going strong ever since.  I know there have been numerous times that Mike has come home and wondered what I'd done all day besides sit and play at the computer or w/my blackberry and to tell the truth, some days I'd done nothing!  BUT, I'd figured out how to get songs, ringtones, wallpaper, themes and IM on my blackberry!!  That's quite a feat for someone my age andwith my lack of technology education!   THEN, I found the wonderful world of apps for my phone, how to check free memory space, install a new OS, and how to take pics and post directly to Facebook!  Awesome!!  And once I started using the Twitterberry app I could take pics and post to twitter so how cool is that?!  Wait, I think I started getting  ahead of myself when I started talking about facebook and twitter!  I'll address those in another post!

As you can see, I've been spending a lot of time researching, experimenting, downloading and then removing apps, all to get me to where I am today!  Today's task was to find an RSS Reader that was easy to use on my blackberry AND is integrated w/my desktop.  I think I may have found one but not after trying at least 3 before this!  For now I'm going to use FreeRange for Blackberry.  It seems to do all I want it to do and it isn't hard to figure out at all!  (I decided against Viigo, NewsGator and Google Reader in case you were wondering.)

I've been busy over the last few months with trying to learn about all of this technology and I know for a fact that I'm not even close to being done.  So after saying that, I think I will try to start posting about different things I'm learning, either for my home computer or my Blackberry and maybe someone who reads this might learn something that I've worked at trying to figure out!  And if I can figure it out, it can't be too hard and I should be able to break it down in simple terms and steps so anyone can begin to learn new things about technology and the world that surrounds us!

When I get to where I think I've mastered the easy stuff, we'll get the Mac that I am praying we get someday and my learning curve will have to start all over again!

It's time to take my computer geek hat off and put on my stay-at-home hat.  I have to make it look like I've done something today so I'll start getting the things chopped up for dinner...foil dinner pack with sausage, potatoes and carrots and maybe some crescent rolls.  And my sheets are clean, dishes are emptied out of the dishwasher and one daughter has been picked up from school...I'm doing ok, I think!

Until later...learn something new today!

m

February 12, 2009

I'm starting to get into reading more blogs.  I'm finding blogs of people and subjects that I want to learn more about but I'm having a hard time with where to keep track of all of these things!  I am currently teetering between Blogger (here!) or Bloglines.  Each of them have something I like but neither have exactly what I'm looking for.  Does anyone who's reading this have a particular reader/aggregator that they use and if so, what is it that you like about it?

Here are my ideals or what I like about the ones I use:

1.  Blogger-I like that it's what I use as my own blogging resource.  From the dashboard I can see blogs that I subscribe to and can read them from the "all posts" or something like that but can't really tell from that page which ones have new posts, etc.  I typically scroll through the updated posts which posts ALL of the updated posts and they're all mixed in together.  Of course, I can click on each blog listed on the left to go to that particular blog for updates, but I want something a little more user-friendly, customizable.  

2.  Bloglines-This one seems a little harder to navigate or customize to me.  Not easy to follow.  What I do like is on the left side I can customize the view of the blogs I subscribe to.  I can either have them all listed so I can see which ones have posts I haven't read or I can choose to only show the posts that I haven't read or have been updated since my last read.  What I don't like is the main section of the homepage.  It's plain and each time I go to Bloglines I get the same thing in that section...it's an overview of what they do, what you may want to look for, etc.  What I would like to see is something more personal, more my taste or what I want to see on that main page.  When you click on a particular blog to read it then kicks that blog over to the main section but again, it's plain and a little hard to understand.  If you know me at all, I like customization and personality to my web experience.  I'm all about cute and pretty and the ability to move things around, etc.  So to just have black words on a white page leaves me wanting more from my blog reader.

My ideal: maybe a combination of the two plus some other stuff :)  Here are some ideas of what I like or would like to see:

1.  When you select a blog to read in Blogger it takes you to the nice, pretty homepage of that particular blog...sort of like clicking a link and going straight to the page.  Say I have 3 posts of that particular blog that I haven't read.  I can click on the one I want to read and it will take me to that post, not to the main homepage so I have to then navigate to the post I wanted to read.  I LIKE THAT feature.

2.  Bloglines lists the Blogs I read and then in parentheses it shows how many are new and how many I haven't read.  BUT if I click on that particular blog, it takes me to the black and white listing (no pretty pictures or actual website) and then it marks them all as read.  Maybe there are 5 listed and I only read 3, I still want the other 2 listed as unread but so far I haven't figured out how to do that.  And it appears that once I click on a particular blog to read and it's opened in the main section of Bloglines, if I were to click the link from the left side to read the ones I haven't read, it shows an empty pane.  Maybe I'm missing something but I really don't like that at all.

3.  I would also like a section in a reader where I can add notes or save links to other things I may find interesting but want to look at at another time.  For instance, if I'm reading Mike's blog and he puts a link in there to something I may want to read later, I can put that in another folder or something to look at later without having to find that particular blog of his.  

4.  It would also be nice for me to have my calendar and emails listed somewhere in this, too.  What I really am striving to find is a one-stop place for all I want to look at in the a.m.-open up a page to see my favorite blogs and if they've got updated material; my calendar for the day; emails; facebook status updates and messages to me; twitters from people I choose to follow more closely and headlines from my news sources that I follow; and my Youversion daily reading link or widget to go to from this one page.

 AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I want all of this to also be available in an app for my Blackberry!!  I have something now that has potential for this and I may figure out that it does have all of this already, but it's still a little choppy and non-fluid for my personal preference.  

I'm not sure if anyone can see my vision and desire for this, but maybe someone can and either knows of an app already like this for my computer or phone OR can create one for me (Mike).  I'd appreciate any and all ideas, suggestions and I am more than happy to share anything else that may help you help me :)

Thanks for reading this!  I'm wanting to streamline my most used things on my computer AND make it personal to me...and cute, pretty & customizable to me :)

February 9, 2009

BIRDS OF A FEATHER...FLOCK TOGETHER?

Last week was an interesting week for me.  Not that anything fantastic happened, but the sightings of some birds caused me to pause several times and try to "hear" what God was trying to teach me through these different birds.  As ADD as I am, it took me all week to finally get a glimpse into that teaching, although I haven't figured out what it means.  Interpretations anyone?!  

So here's my week with birds (and remember, nothing out of the ordinary, just unusual for me).  First up is the sighting of an owl...at dusk...on a highway sign.  Mike & I were on Hwy 114 and this large bird swooped down and landed on a road sign.  We both looked at each other and said "Was that an owl?!"  We're extremely used to seeing hawks around.  In fact, they're everywhere and for some reason I take comfort when I see one.  I guess I think they're patrolling the land, you know, like in Pocahontas' time.  Anyway, it was odd to see an owl when it was still semi-light out.  (Please, if you are bird experts,  just go with me on 

this.  I'm not stating that I know and understand all things bird related.  This is just my peon brain and the limited knowledge of I have.)  

The next day I was driving here in Trophy Club and spotted a beautiful robin...bright orange chest and beautiful.  Growing up in Indiana we saw them all of the time.  But when you DON'T see them on a routine basis, it's a treat and you realize how beautiful they are.  I thought it was weird to see a robin here in TX, but again, I chalked it up to just another bird sighting.  

Just about every day I am awakened to the sound of a Cardinal chirping out our bedroom window.  That's not unusual and I always smile when I hear it.  Well, most of the time I smile unless I'm really tired and the thing just won't quit chirping!  I've come out to the kitchen on numerous occasions to try to find the Cardinal to see what all the chirping is about.  Most times it's a momma Cardinal watching out for her babies or telling them that the "bath" is ready so they need to come and wash up.  Even though our birdbath doesn't hold water very well, it holds it long enough for me to sit in the kitchen in the A.M. and watch the birds take their baths.  So cute the way the dip their heads under water and then shake all the water through their feathers.  They look so fluffy and clean when they're done and it's comforting to know that they feel safe enough and trustworthy enough to come to our house just about every day for their bath time :-)

On Tuesday I was coming home from our women's Bible study and out of an empty field flew a quail!  Natural instincts were to duck to keep from missing the flying bullets of the hunters that reside in the state of TX, but no gunfire was heard.  Again, because I don't hunt and am not familiar with birds I thought it odd that a quail would be in town and not hiding somewhere more safe.  It just struck me as odd for some reason, but I went on and didn't give it a whole lot of thought.

As the week progressed my mind began to recall all of my bird sightings and encounters through the week.  When things like that happen I usually tend to think that there's a spiritual lesson that God is wanting to share with me.  I'm a visual learner and learn much better by visual aids vs. reading (probably goes back to the felt story boards in Sunday school class :P )  Anyway, I started praying about it to see what I could hear from Him.  I wrestled in my mind about it referring me to Mt. 6:26&27, how God cares for the birds even though they don't sow or reap or gather food.  God gives them what they need for that day, nothing more and nothing less.  I know that...I get that, although I'm sure if it came right down to me living it out like some of you are doing, it would probably take on a whole different meaning.  No, I knew there was something else I was suppose to get from this so I continued to pray and seek God.

Here's what I think I finally "heard" and it sort of DOES go along with the verses above, but I think there's more to it than what is at the surface and that's where I'm not fully sure what it means. With the exception of the Cardinal, to me and for this purpose, the other birds were out of their "natural" environments.  Owls are night birds, not dusk birds.  Robins tend to be more from the north than down here in TX and quails aren't typically in the city (and aren't they in a group called a "covey" or something?)  Anyway, even though they were out of their natural environments and geographical locations, God still met their every need, no matter where they were.  He doesn't only care for the owl at night or the robin in the north or a quail in a covey...He cares for them and provides for them at their point of need. Period.  Does that mean that our family's geographical location is going to change?  Not that I'm aware of at the moment.  So I'm still pondering the lesson from the birds last week.  I'm sure that over time it will be revealed to me but for this moment I'm holding on to the fact that He provides for us at our point of need. Period.

In the words of one of my favorite singers, Norah Jones, "Fly Away With Me"... and keep your eyes open to see if God is trying to show you a lesson through nature!

(on a side note which I thought was funny-yesterday's message at church was called "The Never Ending Story" and my first mental picture is of the children's movie with the same title and what does it show on the front?!  Not a bird per se, but something with wings-and catch the phrase at the top...interesting)

February 3, 2009

Welcome to my world!  After that big long post last week about wanting to blog everyday, I failed the first day after that!  Obviously I'm not as organized as I thought I was, at least not at putting my thoughts together long enough to do a worth while blog! And after thinking about that post for a few days I have to admit that I'm just going to do a post about whatever comes up!  I can't be like others out there and post something meaningful every day.  Just not that together yet..

So, that's about all I have today.  Just wanted to clarify that so you weren't expecting a blog miracle from me!

February 1, 2009

Friday must have flown by since I didn't post my "Favorite Friday" blog!  Honestly, I'm doing this for myself...it helps me to reflect and ponder things that I usually take for granted.  The fact that some of you choose to share in this with me by reading my blog is a good thing. (:

Favorite #1-this is seasonal, but when it's "in season", it is my favorite thing to do every weekend...

FOOTBALL!!!  I LOVE to watch football on TV.  The fact that today is Super Bowl Sunday is a little depressing since I won't have my favorite past time until August-ish.  So I'll carry my tissues with me to mourn the passing of yet another football season, and another football season that the Cowboys did not advance...

Favorite #2-another fav of mine these days are sweatshirts (:  They're big and comfy and warm.  They usually go well with sweat pants but I don't have those so jeans are a close second.  In the fall and winter, sweatshirts are the top of choice.

Favorite #3-my Blackberry Curve phone!  I absolutely love this thing and carry it with me everywhere I go.  I can't explain why I am so obsessed with this technological advancement, but I am.  Maybe it's because it makes everything so accessible to me no matter where I am.  Just about anything I can do at the home computer I can do on the Blackberry only on a smaller scale.  A stay-at-home mom with a Blackberry seems idiotic to some, but to me it's perfect!

As the song goes, "These are a few of my favorite things!".  Nothing substantial or eternally significant but they make this life on earth a little more pleasant (:  I know there are sooo many people out there who don't even have food or water and I'm talking about inanimate objects as favorites.  I get that.  But for now, on this particular day and this particular blog, I'm writing about these silly things...

Think about your favs...what do you absolutely enjoy having?

Until next time

m

January 29, 2009

TV THURSDAY

It seems that a lot of bloggers these days address specific topics or are "gifted" in a particular area and share that knowledge with their readers.  Me? None of the above :)  I am starting to enjoy this (whether anyone reads it is a different story!) blog writing.  If I could get paid to do it I would, but the likelihood of that happening is slim since there are sooooooo many bloggers out there, some of whom I follow in my blog roll or on twitter.  They're all very good and I get inspired by most of them.  I don't ever see me being able to write that eloquently or knowledgeably (not even a word) but I write from my heart and my experiences.  I'm going to try a few things, see if they work. Trying to get a groove going, I guess.  So if you have any suggestions or ideas or something you'd like to know, I'm up for the challenge!  So with that being said, I've dubbed Thursday as TV THURSDAY!

Last night was another new episode of LOST...and I was very lost with all the twists and turns it showed last night!  My goodness!  I have my favorite part...my "a-ha!" moment and then there were some scenes that made me wonder why they gave us that bit of information.  But as a devout LOST follower, I know that the insignificant pieces always have significance at some point!  The time swap, or whatever it's called, is totally confusing me since it's hard to tell what time period they are in on the island, off the island, etc.  I am proud of myself, though, that I remembered way back when that Richard visited Locke as a child and told him he would be a leader!  But why didn't John remember that until now?  Maybe it's all starting to fall into place in his brain now, too! I'm anxious to see next weeks episode, but I may have to rent some past seasons and watch them and look for clues...(thanks for the idea J&J!)

We don't sit and watch TV all that much and when we do it's usually what is on the DVR so we may be a day or a week behind.  Just to give you an idea of what I  watch/record, it would be The Bachelor (guilty pleasure), House (just started watching this year), LOST, Life on Mars, Gilmore Girls (in syndication on ABC Family), King of Queens (in syndication but we never watched it until now..funny stuff!), and of course American Idol.  That's a start, I guess.  I won't review them all, but just so you don't think I'm pulling thoughts out of left-field... :)

I watched the most recent episode of The Bachelor last night.  I don't know why I watch this, but I do.  And every year I say I'm not going to watch again because I get so wrapped up in it that when it doesn't work out after the show, I'm devastated!  It's a girl thing, emotions and holding out for "true love"...like that'll happen in 6 weeks with cameras following your every move!  Anyway, I thought I had it picked out who J would pick and then I went to the message boards today and was totally wrong!!!  They're all saying that he picks Melissa (good name, BTW, and she's from Dallas!) or Jillian.  I'm not a big fan of Jillian's for some reason.  She just doesn't seem right for him.  I thought he looked the most comfortable w/Molly this week.  My first pick was Stephanie but they're really playing her up since she's got a child, so I'm guessing she's not his pick.  So, I guess time will tell what happens.  I think I read that the FRC (final rose ceremony) is March 2.

I've got House from this week to watch and the first episode of this season of Life on Mars.  If you haven't seen that show it's a good police show.  Same people that do Lost also do Life on Mars so there's a twist (of course).  The main guy is hit by a car in current day and age and is then transported  back to the 1970's.  It's interesting to see how far our country has come in 30 years!  Things we take for granted now hadn't even been thought of back then!  He tries to convince the precinct officers that he really is from the future and at times he has visions of his friends and family from the current time.  It sounds confusing, but it's a good show.  A little rough like NYPD Blue was, but good none the less.

That's pretty much all I've got right now.  Everyone is starting to come home after school and work so my train of thought has been derailed.

Tomorrow=Favorite Friday (or something like that)

stay warm!

m

January 27, 2009

A TIME TO GRIEVE FOR THOSE STILL WITH US

You always know days like this will come. Days that sort of take the wind out of your sail and bring memories flooding in out of control. But why do we always seem surprised, even mad sometimes, that life takes a turn like this? It doesn't have to be the passing of a loved one or friend, but even just the letting go of a dream, of what you expected the outcome to be in a certain situation. And sometimes the hardest part is still having to look at these situations head on, straight in the eyes, and know that memories of the past are what remains. Moving forward seems to be in slow motion and your world seems to be muffled, even distorted at times, as you try to grasp the reality of the current situation. I find that in these times, God is my ever-present help and comfort.

If you follow my facebook at all you know that I posted a prayer request last night for my grandmother and my uncle, both of which have life-changing illnesses that are leaving all family members uncertain and hurting. Please continue to pray for everyone involved that peace will be the common denominator amongst them all and that God's will be done. His will may not even come close to resembling our will, but His love remains the same and His plan is for us is good, not to harm. (loosely translated from Jer 29:11) So with that being said, here is a very brief look at who I'm asking prayer for and who I miss, even now, and even though I hardly ever see them.

1. My Uncle Ray-my dad's brother: will forever be known as Bread Ball Boy :) When I was a child he would always show me how to make the best bread balls by rolling a piece of bread between the palms of his hands until the bread was tight and moist. He also would tell me it was a great way to clean your hands, too, but I didn't understand that as a young child :) Now, I do & I think it's gross, but I wouldn't trade those memories at all! LOVES basketball, especially college if ISU (Terre Haute, IN) is playing or IU (Indiana University); larger than life (literally sometimes!); always smiled and always laughed.

My dad got a call last week from my aunt that Uncle Ray is now in a nursing home. He doesn't remember anyone, not even family. I guess there were other physical issues that escalated this problem but it has gotten to this point and there's no reversing it. So, I grieved last night for my uncle who's still here but doesn't know it. Of my uncle who I probably won't see again and even if I did he wouldn't know me. And of all the times he made us laugh and made us bread balls...that's what I miss already even though he's still on earth. Eternal future? Unsure...

2. My mom's mom whom we call Nanny: She's lived in Indiana almost her whole life but was just moved to Houston, TX to be close to the majority of her children. The move was not something she wanted to do, but she did it and was moved into a nice semi-assisted living home/apt. My mom is in Houston at this moment helping her brothers move their mom from this apartment to a full-fledged nursing home. Nanny is beginning to have signs of Alzheimer's and is requiring 24 hour care of which is way to expensive to justify at her current residence. However, a choice was made to move her to the nursing home without telling her and without even telling her when she left her apartment last night that it would be the last time she'd be there. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. So she awoke today not knowing how drastically her life is about to change. Moving from semi-independence to a room with a bed...that's all, a bed. Being totally stripped of independence, I'm sure, has got to be humiliating and depressing. That life has come down to laying in a room, going out to occasional activities w/in the home and waiting for people to visit. What motivation is there to live?!

So I grieve for my Nanny, who is still living here on earth, that she's not the grandmother that I used to know and used to cry to stay with every single time I would leave her house in Terre Haute to go home to Evansville. I loved her then. Over the years there has been somewhat of a falling out between her and all of the rest of us based on choices she made, but the memories of my life as a little one of her and my papaw are still in the recesses of my mind. That's what I'm grieving about, I guess. The memories that were, and that no longer will be. She stayed with us Christmas '07 and that's the last time I saw her. I'm not sure I can handle seeing her now...like this. It's just so not her. But, like I said at the beginning of this post I have to grasp the reality of this situation as part of life here on earth and walk forward, trusting God at His word and knowing that I do have the hope of seeing her someday in heaven. Hopefully by then she will have found the peace and joy she's not found in her journey here on earth.

So, that my friends, is where I'm at today. Quiet. Contemplative. Grieving. Praying. Remembering...and mostly, thanking God for the memories that I do have of both of these people who have been a part of my life since the first breath that I took.

January 26, 2009

GOD CRACKS ME UP!!-

No one can ever tell me that God does not have a sense of humor!  I was reading through one of my devos online and came across Proverbs 2:2-3 (NLT) and this is what it said.."Tune your ears to wisdom and concentrate on understanding.  Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."  Now that may not seem funny to you at all but what cracked me up was the word "concentrate".  Depending on your personality, I guess, you can read that several ways but given my ADD, I could just hear God saying, "Concentrate!  Come on you can do it! Focus! Just concentrate on understanding!"  There are days (most of them actually!) that my mind goes from one thing to another to another and I can't remember what that first "one thing" was!  Today must have been one of those days for me so God threw this verse in front of me to start my day with!  

Thanks, God, for caring enough for me to know when to tell me to "concentrate" and not get distracted by meaningless worries and activities!

That's all for now..I just got the biggest kick out of that and wanted to share it with you in case you need to concentrate today!

m

January 23, 2009

BATHROOM REMODEL PROJECT - 

We have been very blessed to be living in our home for the past 6 1/2 years. It's a great house for us and when we moved in there wasn't much to do for it to be move in ready. Shortly after we moved in Mike painted like the entire house because I can't stand white walls (no offense to those who have white walls!). It drives me nuts, so he painted the main living areas one of our favorite colors. He painted the kitchen, our bedroom and the upstairs bonus room. There's still one room, the guest room, that is still white so if anyone is planning on coming for a visit, give me a heads up so we can get it painted! 

However...the master bath has been a source of contention between us for the past, say 6 years :) I hate it... plain and simple. It has wallpaper (YUK to start off with!), gold shower door trim, carpet and no tile on the floor at all and totally worthless cabinets, much less the fact that the faucets are 2-toned (again, YUK but no offense if that's what you like!). It's all builder grade materials and it's boring. I wanted a nice, serene master bath-a place of tranquility...it's a girl thing I guess. So, for 6 years we've been in "planning" mode. Every year it's at the top of our home improvement project of the year and then usually gets bumped to the bottom, year after year after year. The economy has not helped out my bathroom remodel cause at all either. The money we would put aside for that has had to be used to cover "needed" expenses. One thing I should point out, too, is that we want to do this without going into debt. We're debt-free and have been for years and will continue to be for years to come. That's the rub. It's hard to save that much $ to do a remodel when you have teenagers that start driving and college just around the corner. I continually look on craigslist for "deals" and have found plenty...just not for a bathroom remodel!

A friend of mine and I have bumped the bathroom remodel to the top of the list for this year and I really would like to get  it started. Which brings me to my current dilemma...what I really want to do in there to remodel! It's not a huge gutting of the room nor any re-plumbing, etc. Here's what I'm looking at doing: paint, tile (floor and shower/tub), new cabinet and new faucets for 2 sinks, tub and shower. Not a big deal, right? But I've put the thought of a remodel so far out of my mind that I don't know where to start looking to find what I like! I have general ideas, but nothing specific.

SO, I took some pics of the bathroom to give you an idea of what we're looking at needing to change. Now I didn't clean off the counter-tops or anything so don't be checking out the product placements on the counter and in the shower! I just wanted a few shots of the room to post on here. Take a look and tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions on what to do, where to look for ideas and good places to buy materials at really good prices. I'll write a little more below the pics so make sure you scroll on down..

This shows the cabinets and faucets and the huge mirror..the space where the trash can is sitting is totally wasted space so I know that I want something more functional in its place.  Yuk-2 tone faucets :(

Love the lighting, don't you?! :(  gross...and again, so much wasted space above the mirror and all around the bathroom for that matter.  There are tall ceilings in there so there's a bunch of dead space that I'm not sure what to do with.

Ah..the lovely gold trim on the shower :(  And can you see the wallpaper in the background?  It's not hideous, but I don't like it so that's all that matters, right?!  Will probably take out that bench in the shower...don't use it and it's wasted space...can you tell I'm not a fan of wasted space?  It would make the shower much bigger, too.

And lastly, you can see it's a tub/shower combination.  I don't use the tub that often so I've considered taking it out and putting a window seat/bench there w/storage underneath...maybe the big baskets that slide in under the seat of the bench...?  And a window treatment suggestion would be nice, too :)

Ok, so there you go.  Put your thinking caps on and send me ideas or suggestions.  Oh, and if you can put it in an Excel spreadsheet Mike would be thrilled!  He can't function without a spreadsheet or pie chart...the project is just not doable without one :)

In the meantime I'll continue scouring craigslist for the bathroom remodel bargain of the year and maybe start peeling off wallpaper a little bit at at time :)  Shhhh...don't tell Mike!

January 22, 2009

Those of you who know me know that I'm not a professional writer, blogger or knower of anything specific.  I blog for myself and to share me with you.  So many things cross my mind during the day that I decided to try to start writing it down somewhere-sharing what I'm learning in Christ and what I'm learning as a wife and mother.  Notice I said "learning" and not "have learned" (I don't use "air quotes" as poorly as Joey did on "Friends" do I?!)  

Just 3 weeks into 2009 the eyes and ears of my heart are being opened.  Opened to things that they should have been opened to long ago but for one reason or another I've chosen to keep them closed.  I sense that I'm learning to become more aware of God in my daily routine.  I'm really trying to be still and listen to that still small voice yet I hope I'm not using that as a reason to not get my regular things accomplished here at home :)  I want to be close to Him, to hear His voice, feel His heart beat.  My life is just a blip in time here on earth yet I feel that sometimes I live more for the here and now.  No, I won't neglect what He's given me here on earth, but what I say and do should take me closer to the throne and should be an encouragement for others around me to do the same.  There is such a peace that comes from closeness w/Christ.  

So with all of that in mind I have something that has been resonating in my head over the last week or so.  Last week was when the US Airways flight 1549 actually landed in the Hudson River in NYC...yes, landed in it and no one was killed...none of the 155 on board died.  Yes, it truly was a miracle.  But what is continuing to run through my brain are some words that I heard people say about the captain..Captain "Sulley".  His sister, as well as some life-long friends,  made comments that they were not surprised at all that Sulley was able to make that landing so perfectly.  He's trained for this all of his life so he was prepared to do it.  Those are the words I keep hearing.  None of those people doubted him at all, nor were they shocked at his abilities.  They knew that if anyone could attempt a feat like that and be successful it was "Sulley".  So that caused me to ponder this:  when I get to the end of my life and am ready to step into heaven, will people say the same about me? That I had "trained" for this all of my life and I was prepared to go?  I'm not trying to puff myself up by any means.  But I wonder if my daily walk in life w/God has shown others that I'm 'in training'? I haven't arrived at my final destination but when the time comes to finally put that training into action, no one will be shocked to find out I was a Christ-follower but that knew full well that I had done all that I could possibly do here on earth to be Christ-like.

This may not mean as much to you as it does to me but I wanted to share it anyway.  It gives you insight into my thoughts the past week and to the questions w/in my heart.  

I don't want my life to be a "crash landing" but a "life-in-training" ready to be made into an incredible miracle!

Living life as a training simulator-

m

January 17, 2009

FIRST OFF...

Let me say "Happy Anniversary" to my brother, Chuck, and his wife, Carrie!  17 years I believe they've been together!  Congrats and many, many more!

Well, yesterday (Friday) was a little nostalgic for us as a family...if that's the right word.  We had to make a tough decision on what to do about our dog, Rosie.  We've had her for about 8 years now...she's a Jack Russell Terrier..enough said if you know anything about that breed of dog!  They're very high maintenance but highly intelligent.  Overall she's been a good dog...several quirks that would drive me nuts since I was at home w/her every day, but not a bad dog by any means.  

She started developing some "issues" in the last several years or so having to do w/her "backside".  We probably put almost $3000 in her over the last few years and the problem kept persisting.  It had come to the point that we were having to "dump" (hee, hee!) $350 every other month in order to keep things in a natural order.  We can't do that financially, and we knew that there was no other way to care for her by our own means.  Mike informed our vet that we were NOT going to be able to pay for a surgery that might or might not work nor can we put that much money in every other month to take care of her.  We thought our only option would be to put her down.  That's such a hard decision, especially if you've seen "Marley & Me" :(  I couldn't honestly give her to anyone, either, knowing she had "problems".  So, as a last resort, our vet suggested that we turn her over to the hospital and they would take care of her and then find a home for her.  To us that was an answer to prayer!  We didn't have to put her down, nor did we have to find a good home for her!  That was the "bridge" that I mentioned on my facebook page, if you follow that at all.

So, Rosie's gone.  It's a little quieter around here and Archie sure misses her, but I'm relieved, I guess, that she'll be taken care of and maybe, just maybe my days will be a little less chaotic and sane!  She's a very good dog...her big, brown eyes always won in an "argument"!  The 8 years we've had her have been interesting and always insightful with her!  So, thank you, Rosie, for opening our eyes to the world of Jack Russells and for being a very good companion, friend, walking buddy, blanket warmer, food stealing, cat-poop eating, bark-at-everything, big, brown-eyed buddy.  We know that someone will love you the rest of your days and you will bring joy to whomever you're with!

Ok...I gotta go..the dust in this place is causing my eyes to water and I got something caught in my throat that feels like it's choking me :-?  

(dang-why did I have to get nostalgic like this?!)

January 16, 2009

OH WHAT FUN...

So, I had my mammogram yesterday.  I hate those things.  I'm thankful for the technology that it incorporates to detect cancer early, but my word, I'm pretty sure a guy developed the idea in honor of an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend!   And the radiology building where I was tortured at was so "proud" of their new machine because it was " all digital"..woo hoo and hallelujah, but can you digitize my body part in question and use that instead of the two monster plates of discomfort I had to become one with?!  How can one be proud of a torture device?  And the technician was a woman!  

The upside to that visit, though, was that I didn't have to get weighed...ahhhhh, the trade-off for not having to see those numbers that would teeter between where I should be and where I am...

I think I'd rather get weighed.

m

January 14, 2009

TESTS

First of all let me start by saying that I got a text from Shelby today (shock! texting at school?!) and she got an 84 on her Spanish final! She was very excited, as was I. I think I pulled something doing the "happy dance" for her :) Alix seems to be doing well on her exams, too. She got a 110 on a test in a computer class (can't remember the specific name of the class) and is doing very well in the other tests she has completed. I know they have both put a lot of time into preparing and I know God sees that and rewards it. Girls-I'm proud of you!! We may even have to celebrate at Sonic!

I've been going at a slower pace today, partly because I'm still not 100% from being sick (but then again, when am I ever 100%?!) and partly because I'm trying to listen to God. It's not easy to do, seriously. I really don't know how my brain goes a hundred miles an hour, but it does. Sad thing is, don't ask me what I'm thinking about cuz I probably can't tell you that either. I've got to work on that! Anyway, I did sit down and try to find some scriptures to go with my previous post. So far I've only come up with one. I wasn't sure how to even go about looking for scripture. I didn't want to use the "new creation" one...I've been a new creation for a long time! So I prayed about what it is that I blogged about that causes me to go through mental boxing matches and I came up w/disorganized, etc. Sooooo, here's the verse I found:

Ezekiel 11:19 (NIV)
19 I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

You know, as I thought about it, the "undivided" part made sense, but I didn't feel that I had a heart of stone. HOWEVER, this is what I felt I heard God say...if a heart is divided, it's not a whole heart. There are pieces of it in many different directions so how can it live, broken in pieces and divided between God, me, others, time, etc? In order for me to have a "heart of flesh", it has to be undivided, whole, so it can function as God created it to function. So for me to live as Christ created me to live, I have to have an undivided heart in ALL that I do. make sense?

I guess what I need to understand better now is the difference between "waiting on God" and being lazy :)

January 13, 2009

FOLLOW UP

I challenged myself last week to write down something that I've been mentally beating myself up over lately and then to find 3 verses to help me deal with this issue. I've thought long and hard about this, but haven't looked for scriptures. That's the beginning of my problem-not seeking the Word first. But by the time I would have walked from the kitchen to the living room to get my Bible, something else would have grabbed my attention or I would have completely forgotten what I was going to do and it never got done. Excuses? Probably. But as I'm beginning to see through my own reflection (still no scripture ): ) is that a lot of my problem stems from lack of focus; and ADHD of sorts for adults and in my case it's for Alone-time-with-God Deficit & Hearing- God's- direction Deficit.  Ok, so I stretched the acronym, but you get the point.  I've created a monster in myself all in the name of busyness and organization.  If I can't walk from one room to the next without forgetting something then I'm trying to do too much or have too much on my mind.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm all about keeping my house clean and orderly and my family fed and shuttled, but to actually have "make a to-do list" on my "to-do" list is a little over the top!

Anyway, what all of this madness has caused me to consider is who am I really? I'm lots of things to lots of people, but who am I?  I try to "act" like the person people think I am so as to gain acceptance.  But somewhere between growing up and life, I've lost who I am.  I know I have a husband who I love completely and who loves me unconditionally and 2 daughters that I love dearly.  I'm pretty sure that they see me for who I am and sometimes it's probably not very pretty.  That's why the masks go on when I leave the house so I can be anyone else other than me.  Crazy?  Maybe and probably, but I don't think I'm alone in this.

So as I type this I'm on a voyage of self-discovery.  I want peace and contentment in all areas of my life beyond my family.  I don't want to just be the made-up version so everyone thinks I have all the answers.  I'm still "me" but I think the "inner" me, the core being of "me" started hiding and taking on multiple personalities (not literally-figuratively) years ago just so everyone would like me and I would be accepted wherever I was.  It won't be an over-night discovery and restoration, although I know it could be if God so chooses it to be.  

I will find myself again and will probably be a much better person-content in all things and not afraid to be who God created me to be, not who man has tried to make me to be.

So, that's a start.  Now I MUST find the scriptures to stand on and rediscover who I am and who God wants me to be.

Thanks,  guys.  I know this was a little more "serious" than usual, but I wanted to be forthright and ask for your prayers, too.  Oh, and you can follow my daily journey of self-discovery on www.twitter.com/hsmsmom  If you choose to follow me I'll have to accept your request so just ask!

Talk soon! Next post I will have those scriptures ready!

m

January 12, 2009...again

So I was trying to blog on another blog site, but me being the google girl that I am, came back to my blogger blog.  I lost track of it sometime last year but I hope to keep up with it a little more routinely.  My initial thought when I started this last year was to post something that happened in my life or something I was learning EVERY DAY.  I think that after trying to do that for say...a day or two, it because too overwhelming and it slacked off little by little.  Bear with me as I try again.  It's not a big informative blog, just an insight into my life and thoughts which doesn't take much time given that my thoughts are few and far between and my life is fairly mundane (but I wouldn't change it for anything!)

Today I'm not feeling well at all.  SOO nauseated, but definitely not pregnant so don't ask :)  I don't feel like this very often and so I'm not handling it well. .. And there are no saltine's in sight and buttery Ritz don't help.  I'm really not a whiner.  I've had more than my share of days not feeling well and have come through them victorious in Christ.  I think that my not feeling well today serves as a reminder for me to be thankful for where I am and where I've come from physically.  Some know my "story", others don't, but suffice it to say, God is good and He is faithful and feeling a little nauseated today is nothing.  

See, I've knocked some sense into myself just by typing this blog.  Like I told a friend of mine, blogging is cheap therapy! And a way to share a small bit of myself so you can all see how normal your life really is :)

See ya later!

m

January 8, 2009

WORK IN PROGRESS

I'm still trying to get my whole "blog" thing set up so there aren't any pics in my album and I keep changing the colors, layout, etc.  So, it may change as much as my mind changes subjects on my husband (which can totally throw him off at times!)

I read the below in one of my devotional studies this morning and thought I'd share...I haven't done it yet.  I know I will but I need time and quiet, which you'd think I'd have plenty of being a stay-at-home mom.  Some days, yes, but most days "no".  today was a "no" day.  So here it is:

"Write down something you've been mentally beating yourself up over lately.  Find 3 verses that deal with this issue and commit to praying these scriptures into your situation.  Stand firm on God's solid truth that you are a godly woman/man who will face this circumstance in a godly way." (www.proverbs31.org).

There's a lot I beat myself up mentally for but I'm coming to realize (slowly) that I don't need to do that.  By holding on to whatever it is that I think is controlling me is in a way a form of pride.  Follow me for a second...if I truly want to get rid of it, I need to turn it completely over to God and let him take it for me.  I know this...I've grown up in church and youth group, but some things I continue to hang on to.  But by hanging on to it, it still has control of part of me because it's in my hand.  I don't want to let it go because then what will I have to push blame off on, or to hold over someones head?  When I choose to completely let go of it and truly commit it to God, I will then have both hands and arms free to raise in worship of the King of Kings who took away all beatings I could ever incur on myself.  

I'll let you know what I come up with (unless it's just a little too personal!).  I think that's part of letting it go.

January 7, 2009

MEMORY

Mike & I have been re-connecting with friends from high school, which is farther back than I care to discuss.  Let's just say that it's more than 20 years.  That alone makes me feel old.  Sure, I have specific memories of all of these friends, some more than others.  I can probably tell you a story or two about each one.  However, I'm finding that I'm either totally blond (no offense to whoever is a TRUE blond!)and clueless or there are certain things that I just blocked out of my mind for some reason!

One of my fellow cheerleading buddies has proceeded to tell me of something I supposedly did, in the area of sneaking away from church camp for a day!  Of course she's mistaken...I was the "good girl" of the group (stop choking, some of you who know otherwise!).  Then others appear to be speaking a foreign language when they ask if I remember certain other things that I was supposedly a part of!  What's wrong with me that I can't remember?!!  I am thoroughly enjoying talking w/"old" friends again...I just wish I could remember who they are!