January 17, 2009

FIRST OFF...

Let me say "Happy Anniversary" to my brother, Chuck, and his wife, Carrie!  17 years I believe they've been together!  Congrats and many, many more!

Well, yesterday (Friday) was a little nostalgic for us as a family...if that's the right word.  We had to make a tough decision on what to do about our dog, Rosie.  We've had her for about 8 years now...she's a Jack Russell Terrier..enough said if you know anything about that breed of dog!  They're very high maintenance but highly intelligent.  Overall she's been a good dog...several quirks that would drive me nuts since I was at home w/her every day, but not a bad dog by any means.  

She started developing some "issues" in the last several years or so having to do w/her "backside".  We probably put almost $3000 in her over the last few years and the problem kept persisting.  It had come to the point that we were having to "dump" (hee, hee!) $350 every other month in order to keep things in a natural order.  We can't do that financially, and we knew that there was no other way to care for her by our own means.  Mike informed our vet that we were NOT going to be able to pay for a surgery that might or might not work nor can we put that much money in every other month to take care of her.  We thought our only option would be to put her down.  That's such a hard decision, especially if you've seen "Marley & Me" :(  I couldn't honestly give her to anyone, either, knowing she had "problems".  So, as a last resort, our vet suggested that we turn her over to the hospital and they would take care of her and then find a home for her.  To us that was an answer to prayer!  We didn't have to put her down, nor did we have to find a good home for her!  That was the "bridge" that I mentioned on my facebook page, if you follow that at all.

So, Rosie's gone.  It's a little quieter around here and Archie sure misses her, but I'm relieved, I guess, that she'll be taken care of and maybe, just maybe my days will be a little less chaotic and sane!  She's a very good dog...her big, brown eyes always won in an "argument"!  The 8 years we've had her have been interesting and always insightful with her!  So, thank you, Rosie, for opening our eyes to the world of Jack Russells and for being a very good companion, friend, walking buddy, blanket warmer, food stealing, cat-poop eating, bark-at-everything, big, brown-eyed buddy.  We know that someone will love you the rest of your days and you will bring joy to whomever you're with!

Ok...I gotta go..the dust in this place is causing my eyes to water and I got something caught in my throat that feels like it's choking me :-?  

(dang-why did I have to get nostalgic like this?!)

January 16, 2009

OH WHAT FUN...

So, I had my mammogram yesterday.  I hate those things.  I'm thankful for the technology that it incorporates to detect cancer early, but my word, I'm pretty sure a guy developed the idea in honor of an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend!   And the radiology building where I was tortured at was so "proud" of their new machine because it was " all digital"..woo hoo and hallelujah, but can you digitize my body part in question and use that instead of the two monster plates of discomfort I had to become one with?!  How can one be proud of a torture device?  And the technician was a woman!  

The upside to that visit, though, was that I didn't have to get weighed...ahhhhh, the trade-off for not having to see those numbers that would teeter between where I should be and where I am...

I think I'd rather get weighed.

m

January 14, 2009

TESTS

First of all let me start by saying that I got a text from Shelby today (shock! texting at school?!) and she got an 84 on her Spanish final! She was very excited, as was I. I think I pulled something doing the "happy dance" for her :) Alix seems to be doing well on her exams, too. She got a 110 on a test in a computer class (can't remember the specific name of the class) and is doing very well in the other tests she has completed. I know they have both put a lot of time into preparing and I know God sees that and rewards it. Girls-I'm proud of you!! We may even have to celebrate at Sonic!

I've been going at a slower pace today, partly because I'm still not 100% from being sick (but then again, when am I ever 100%?!) and partly because I'm trying to listen to God. It's not easy to do, seriously. I really don't know how my brain goes a hundred miles an hour, but it does. Sad thing is, don't ask me what I'm thinking about cuz I probably can't tell you that either. I've got to work on that! Anyway, I did sit down and try to find some scriptures to go with my previous post. So far I've only come up with one. I wasn't sure how to even go about looking for scripture. I didn't want to use the "new creation" one...I've been a new creation for a long time! So I prayed about what it is that I blogged about that causes me to go through mental boxing matches and I came up w/disorganized, etc. Sooooo, here's the verse I found:

Ezekiel 11:19 (NIV)
19 I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

You know, as I thought about it, the "undivided" part made sense, but I didn't feel that I had a heart of stone. HOWEVER, this is what I felt I heard God say...if a heart is divided, it's not a whole heart. There are pieces of it in many different directions so how can it live, broken in pieces and divided between God, me, others, time, etc? In order for me to have a "heart of flesh", it has to be undivided, whole, so it can function as God created it to function. So for me to live as Christ created me to live, I have to have an undivided heart in ALL that I do. make sense?

I guess what I need to understand better now is the difference between "waiting on God" and being lazy :)

January 13, 2009

FOLLOW UP

I challenged myself last week to write down something that I've been mentally beating myself up over lately and then to find 3 verses to help me deal with this issue. I've thought long and hard about this, but haven't looked for scriptures. That's the beginning of my problem-not seeking the Word first. But by the time I would have walked from the kitchen to the living room to get my Bible, something else would have grabbed my attention or I would have completely forgotten what I was going to do and it never got done. Excuses? Probably. But as I'm beginning to see through my own reflection (still no scripture ): ) is that a lot of my problem stems from lack of focus; and ADHD of sorts for adults and in my case it's for Alone-time-with-God Deficit & Hearing- God's- direction Deficit.  Ok, so I stretched the acronym, but you get the point.  I've created a monster in myself all in the name of busyness and organization.  If I can't walk from one room to the next without forgetting something then I'm trying to do too much or have too much on my mind.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm all about keeping my house clean and orderly and my family fed and shuttled, but to actually have "make a to-do list" on my "to-do" list is a little over the top!

Anyway, what all of this madness has caused me to consider is who am I really? I'm lots of things to lots of people, but who am I?  I try to "act" like the person people think I am so as to gain acceptance.  But somewhere between growing up and life, I've lost who I am.  I know I have a husband who I love completely and who loves me unconditionally and 2 daughters that I love dearly.  I'm pretty sure that they see me for who I am and sometimes it's probably not very pretty.  That's why the masks go on when I leave the house so I can be anyone else other than me.  Crazy?  Maybe and probably, but I don't think I'm alone in this.

So as I type this I'm on a voyage of self-discovery.  I want peace and contentment in all areas of my life beyond my family.  I don't want to just be the made-up version so everyone thinks I have all the answers.  I'm still "me" but I think the "inner" me, the core being of "me" started hiding and taking on multiple personalities (not literally-figuratively) years ago just so everyone would like me and I would be accepted wherever I was.  It won't be an over-night discovery and restoration, although I know it could be if God so chooses it to be.  

I will find myself again and will probably be a much better person-content in all things and not afraid to be who God created me to be, not who man has tried to make me to be.

So, that's a start.  Now I MUST find the scriptures to stand on and rediscover who I am and who God wants me to be.

Thanks,  guys.  I know this was a little more "serious" than usual, but I wanted to be forthright and ask for your prayers, too.  Oh, and you can follow my daily journey of self-discovery on www.twitter.com/hsmsmom  If you choose to follow me I'll have to accept your request so just ask!

Talk soon! Next post I will have those scriptures ready!

m

January 12, 2009...again

So I was trying to blog on another blog site, but me being the google girl that I am, came back to my blogger blog.  I lost track of it sometime last year but I hope to keep up with it a little more routinely.  My initial thought when I started this last year was to post something that happened in my life or something I was learning EVERY DAY.  I think that after trying to do that for say...a day or two, it because too overwhelming and it slacked off little by little.  Bear with me as I try again.  It's not a big informative blog, just an insight into my life and thoughts which doesn't take much time given that my thoughts are few and far between and my life is fairly mundane (but I wouldn't change it for anything!)

Today I'm not feeling well at all.  SOO nauseated, but definitely not pregnant so don't ask :)  I don't feel like this very often and so I'm not handling it well. .. And there are no saltine's in sight and buttery Ritz don't help.  I'm really not a whiner.  I've had more than my share of days not feeling well and have come through them victorious in Christ.  I think that my not feeling well today serves as a reminder for me to be thankful for where I am and where I've come from physically.  Some know my "story", others don't, but suffice it to say, God is good and He is faithful and feeling a little nauseated today is nothing.  

See, I've knocked some sense into myself just by typing this blog.  Like I told a friend of mine, blogging is cheap therapy! And a way to share a small bit of myself so you can all see how normal your life really is :)

See ya later!

m

January 8, 2009

WORK IN PROGRESS

I'm still trying to get my whole "blog" thing set up so there aren't any pics in my album and I keep changing the colors, layout, etc.  So, it may change as much as my mind changes subjects on my husband (which can totally throw him off at times!)

I read the below in one of my devotional studies this morning and thought I'd share...I haven't done it yet.  I know I will but I need time and quiet, which you'd think I'd have plenty of being a stay-at-home mom.  Some days, yes, but most days "no".  today was a "no" day.  So here it is:

"Write down something you've been mentally beating yourself up over lately.  Find 3 verses that deal with this issue and commit to praying these scriptures into your situation.  Stand firm on God's solid truth that you are a godly woman/man who will face this circumstance in a godly way." (www.proverbs31.org).

There's a lot I beat myself up mentally for but I'm coming to realize (slowly) that I don't need to do that.  By holding on to whatever it is that I think is controlling me is in a way a form of pride.  Follow me for a second...if I truly want to get rid of it, I need to turn it completely over to God and let him take it for me.  I know this...I've grown up in church and youth group, but some things I continue to hang on to.  But by hanging on to it, it still has control of part of me because it's in my hand.  I don't want to let it go because then what will I have to push blame off on, or to hold over someones head?  When I choose to completely let go of it and truly commit it to God, I will then have both hands and arms free to raise in worship of the King of Kings who took away all beatings I could ever incur on myself.  

I'll let you know what I come up with (unless it's just a little too personal!).  I think that's part of letting it go.

January 7, 2009

MEMORY

Mike & I have been re-connecting with friends from high school, which is farther back than I care to discuss.  Let's just say that it's more than 20 years.  That alone makes me feel old.  Sure, I have specific memories of all of these friends, some more than others.  I can probably tell you a story or two about each one.  However, I'm finding that I'm either totally blond (no offense to whoever is a TRUE blond!)and clueless or there are certain things that I just blocked out of my mind for some reason!

One of my fellow cheerleading buddies has proceeded to tell me of something I supposedly did, in the area of sneaking away from church camp for a day!  Of course she's mistaken...I was the "good girl" of the group (stop choking, some of you who know otherwise!).  Then others appear to be speaking a foreign language when they ask if I remember certain other things that I was supposedly a part of!  What's wrong with me that I can't remember?!!  I am thoroughly enjoying talking w/"old" friends again...I just wish I could remember who they are!